Preparing for full disclosure (April 12th, 2017)

April 12^th, 2017

I’m now 12 weeks along in this pregnancy and approaching the end of the first trimester. I’m nervously anticipating this coming Easter long weekend as we will be announcing our news to our immediate family. There are a couple members we disclosed to early, but for the most part, this will be a huge surprise to all. Now I’m nervous as heck as I haven’t seen the baby since our 8-week ultrasound a month ago. So how do I know things are going well and on target? Part of it is trust, faith, knowing my body, but I also have my next doctor’s appointment tomorrow and hope she’ll give me the confidence when she examines me and the baby. I know I’m far along enough now that she may be able to detect a heartbeat with a handheld Doppler.

At 12 weeks, the baby is much more baby-like. I can't wait to see the ultrasound next week where I get to see him or her. Arms and legs are moving now, reflexes are developing, and it's pretty amazing to learn about how complex the little one is. I'm feeling great! In my earlier weeks, I'd wake up nauseous and had to eat breakfast right away or feel worse. Now things are more normal, and having breakfast is part of my regular getting ready for the day routine. The only thing that isn't normal about this is that I don't run in the morning as the old me would do so before breakfast (if the run was less than an hour), and I'm not going to run fasted when pregnant. I don't want to wake up at an obscene time to allow a run after digesting breakfast and still making to to work on time.

This past week I’ve started to tell close friends as I run with them or as I see them, just asking them to keep their mouth shut. I need the understanding when they run with me that I need to go my pace, and they need to be OK with that. And I think news of this magnitude is nice in person. I’m so close to tell family (2 days away), so why not be less deceitful with friends. 

I just re-read my other private pregnant-runner blog posts to get an idea of what I’d talked about before. I smiled a few times over what I talked about and reflected on. I feel that my peace with my “condition” has grown in the last few weeks. I think a lot has to do with the fact that I’m close to telling the world means it’s easier to let go of the “what will people think?” piece, because, well if they don’t suspect yet, they will find out soon enough.

I think the other piece is that my attitude toward running has changed. I am no longer disappointed that I couldn’t run the April Fool’s Half Marathon, but I’m actually proud of the fact I made the best choice for myself and ran the relay instead. I no longer beat myself up if I have to turn back home early in a run, or walk up the hills, or choose a nap or a short walk over more intense exercise. I have started to really let it sink in that I’m responsible for the well-being of more than just myself. Exercise, yes, has LOADS of benefits when pregnant. It helps my health and the baby’s health, and I hear it can help make labour easier too (yes please!). But growing a person itself is also hard work, plus I work full time, so if I’m tired once in a while and running doesn’t feel like the right choice for my time, does it matter? Does it make me any less of a fit person? Does it mean I’m making lame excuses? The answer to all these questions is a big fat “absolutely NOT”. I’m finally starting to come to grips with this.

My question is how long will I keep this sport up before I favour more comfortable activities with my ever growing body? It depends on how I feel. I have a couple events to run in May (the BMO 8K and the Run For Women5K) and I will play it by ear if I run events beyond that. I like the idea of the Shaughnessy 8K and there’s a West Van event at the start of June. But I won’t commit until I see how the running goes in the first part of May. The summer is up in the air because I might not like running in the heat. Walking may be a better option then. We’ll just have to see. No pressure either way because we all know I’ll return to running post-partum as quickly as I can and will be back to running all kinds of events for 2018. Nothing wrong with a season off to train for the marathon of motherhood!